Alexis Cursillo for substance abuse

The Alexis adult Pilgrimage took place from December 3rd 2009 through December 6th, it began on a Thursday and ended on Sunday.
One of the first things that comes to mind when thinking of people that attended is this: why did they attend?. One afternoon in the latter part of November I walked into an office of one of the stronger Cursillo advocates. My purpose there had nothing to do with the pilgrimage itself; I was there for something else entirely.

Issues of faith aside, I expressed my interest in attending without being fully committed. Two weeks passed and one night as I was doing what I do, that worker paid me a suprise visit. I'd forgotten all about the Cursillo!, so I quickly gathered my things and went having not prepared. The preparations they emailed me were as follows:

' To prepare for the weekend, attend church.
Do confession, fast till noon at least one day
before Pilgrimage. Watch the movie “Greatest Story ever Told” '

I've never seen that movie they mentioned and I didn't bother fasting either because I didn't bother even remembering. I went along because I made a sort of promise that I'd attend. I kept a journal.

December 3, 2009
(the entries are scrawled in a somewhat awkward manner)

Entry one, Day one evening.
"I'm sitting here. I've been sitting here for about an hour, it's not a huge deal to me though. I'm a practiced waiter. Nothing is without some gain, this classroom environment is ideal for cramming chemistry. It's off to a good start". I arrived after the priest left and got an hour long break for some reason, the sleeping quarter for male "candidate's" was warm. The soft buzzing of the lights and the silence of concentration brought back vivid images and memories from my own childhood/teenage years, the amp in my system enabled even more realization of this day's utility and promise. The nostalgia at being ordered around like a little kid again was refreshing and that first day was undoubtedly the best.

Entry two, Day one evening
"We've been called to the gymnasium via intercom. Judy sings hymns, I must admit she has a decent voice and guitar ability. It seems like they begin with Song's in an attempt to help us be more open; well it's working. There is a white altar with purple Candles and a St. Joseph's Bible on it, white is probably a symbol for the "immaculate" conception of Christ, purple was a symbol of roman emperors and Christ was said to be mocked as such or something by the guards and the color itself, ironically. It might be a symbol of Christ's eventual divinity and his purported position in the Christian Hierarchy too." Shortly after a period of song, we had an exercise involving animal sounds and drawing lots on who was what animal. I got pig. Figures. Pig's are among the smartest and most pragmatic animals, despised as they might be by some. So I blindfolded myself and did what I had to do. My partner was someone I was familiar with. I wrote a speech about them and praised their good points while ignoring any faults, to be sure. In contrast, they just improvised and described me in a somewhat judgmental way and used me as an example. I didn't mind though.

Entry 3, Day one evening
"They have shifted their focus to the evils of pride and failure, integrity and pain."
There was a series of long speeches, some ending in tears, whether of joy or happiness I don't know, but their devotion is admirable. I imagine my dad would've said something like "They're well off enough to be Holy", I also imagine that those situations are when it takes more focus and drive to keep faith, as material wealth tends to replace spiritual or even intellectual growth. After some stories of the deceased we hug the speakers. All of this bolstered my faith immensely and I was happy and content to just be there that day. It really does take something special to give me any kind of religious faith.

Entry 4, day one Evening
"People flock like pigeons for fellowship" We continue to sing hymns and listen to speeches during interim. It is quite relaxing. They denounce the evils of drugs and instruct us that if we only open our hearts to Christ, we will be saved from the depredations of modern chemistry and associated trauma. They did not address the issue of poverty however, so me being eager to contribute, I volunteered to make a speech about it. I recited Proverbs chapter 31: "Sayings of King Lemuel", that passage states that the poor should indeed make use of substances and that such methods are there for those of us in poverty and suffering and that rich and powerful people like kings in particular and princes in passing should do well to stay away from drugs. The speech was well recieved and I think I got my point across, although looking back I perhaps made a subtle political statement whilst undermining their reasoning, because after that poverty began being addressed every other speech. All ends shortly after I finish my talk.

Entry 5, Day one/two mightnight
"I cannot sleep due to the amp still in my blood" if I had known that today was going to find me here, I'd never have took the medication. It's for my adhd and you simply cannot sleep on this stuff, it also takes forever to wear off. So I stayed up all night and went to the bathroom to study a bit. Something about learning relatively basic chemistry in an elementary bathroom in a school I dropped out of struck me as bizarre, filling me with apprehension. I left after about an hour and laid around.

Entry 6, Day two morning
"I found some salt from my meds in my pack" Which I took to stay awake, even a tiny amount keeps me up though not neccasarily energetic, well that's why I take them - they calm me down. But they also keep me up. We go and eat. I had 2 crackers and a slice of lunch meat, Blaine asked why I wasn't eating. No I wasn't high, I was eating small meals or even just snacks around that time to lose body fat. We have group sessions; my group consisted of myself and 4 others. It was nice getting to know those people. I'd always thought my issues as bad...they might be, but I've had it really bad emotionally, as a result my attitude is apathetic - I just fail to care about most things. Well, everyone in my group cried except me. It must've been my lack of faith, or I made my own road, either way. I tend to get emotional during spiritual epiphany, but I guess my resilience is some quality I've acquired through suffering, which would mean I can manage emotional turmoil. That's not a gift anybody would want if they only knew that pain, after all, let's us know that we're alive and that if we do good we will live forever without pain. Pain is essential to believing in Christianity. I blame my lack of pain for my lack of faith; while I do pray , I am not nearly as inclined to put trust in something without proof when my entire emotional mindset is based on rational realism. We had to talk again around noon and naturally none of my group wanted to go first, so I had to. Suffice to say, my unplanned and improvised speeches sound like I'm making up a bunch of BS with a few big words. I got some snickers this time after using the phrase "we broke a LOT of new ground", which was funny even to me in how pseudo-intellectual it sounded.
A group mate made a heartfelt speech rife with controlled yet visible distress, which was pretty good. The other group went after, everyone talked except for one who was evidently too shy. This continued on and off until evening with prayers here and there and Chapel this, meditate that. Don't get me wrong, they were good methods but there just isn't much to say about them.

Entry X
I ate a few boiled greens for dinner, got bored and decided to leave. While I did have other worries on my mind, it was ultimately the boredom that did it for me. I got everything I was going to get out of those 2 days that I would've gotten had I stayed four, perhaps. I would've been able to stay longer if I'd thought to bring my ADHD drugs, but as it was supposed to be drug-free, I didn't. I took a postern exit out after talking it over a bit with my fellow candidates. I borrowed Nathan's phone. I guess someone decided it'd be funny to inform them of my departure before I could get away fast enough, because: 'Alas!, that time of year I mayst in me lo beheld, when lots of snow or ice or depth do appear, a stark outline I did form. Alas, I had been spotted and even as they hailed they bade me thus , "Come back, Tyler!" , but nay, I hath not sufficient indecision for such. A trifle of all trifles!, yet I had to respond , "I gotta go" , and I was gone.'

Summary
A definite and worthwhile form of abuse intervention. I would recommend that those in pain or who want change attend. If anyone does consider attending, they should be prepared for a lot of talk about Christianity and the Catholic church, they should bring a positive attitude and they should make very certain that they can stay throughout the whole 3-4 days. Dropping out early is a terrible feeling after listening to religion all day, which is why I would have to say it is a serious commitment not to be taken lightly. The people there have the best of intentions, sure they might get paid to do it, but don't let that cloud your judgment as I'm certain they are quite sincere in their actions.